Confessions Of Love, Heartbreak and Romance

You might never hold me again.

What a horrible thought.

I love you, you fucking idiot.
I love you with all of my heart, mind, body and soul.
You mean the world to me.
I thought you would be the one person who wouldn’t abandon me. You always promised that you’d be here for me in some capacity, even if we weren’t together. And I always promised you the same. I guess the difference is, I intend on keeping that promise, even though I should go back on it.
I would do anything for you. Even now, even after you’ve ripped me to pieces.
You believed in me. You were the one person in the world who told me “it’s going to be okay” and actually meant it. When you said that, I believed it. When you told me I was beautiful, I believed it.
After the way we were together over the holidays, I find it so hard to believe that that love you bore me would just disappear over a matter of days. Even after everything you said, I still believe somewhere deep down inside of me that you still love me. I try to convince myself otherwise, as I know that’s not a safe belief to have. It’s wishful thinking and niavety.
I don’t know what to do without you. I’m so lost.
You were my best friend aswell as my lover. My other half. I’m so empty without you. I think about you all the time, and wonder if you’re thinking about me. Even though you’re probably not. I keep hoping that you’ll decide you want to check up on how I’m doing… That you’ll miss me.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle this.
I still want to be your forever, even after everything.
I need you.
How fucking pathetic is that?

Anonymous asked: i not cant bi togeder it for old for hyou

Erm.
Pardon?

I was talking to a friend about the spark my ex and I had.
Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.
The chemistry was amazing… And so so much electricity. It was kind of like we were feeding off of each other y’know? Like we, and I don’t even care how fucking cheesy this sounds, but like we connected a circuit. Even just from a look. It was just so… (again not caring how cheesy this sounds because I need to pour my heart out) powerful. It was a connection on such a deep level that I’m not sure either of us will ever experience with somebody else.
I really think we are meant to be. Perhaps I’m niave or stupid for believing that.
But he is the other half of me.
I mean, such passion doesn’t come from nowhere right? And surely it can’t just go away in a heartbeat? I hope something comes back to him if/when I see him during his 10 day visit home for Christmas. We’re still doing presents aparently, he actually asked me if he could buy me something still, so I said as long as I could still give him the stuff I’d already got him. And, actually, 2 of his presents are made, not bought. So hopefully he will see that a lot of love has gone into those. I may kiss him on the cheek when I give him his presents and say Merry Christmas… See what the moment is like.

We have talked a bit… And there is no doubt in my mind that he still loves me. I’d like to think that he’s regretting it but I’m not sure. Someone actually said “he basically is acting like your boyfriend without actually being it”. And if he does, I don’t think he’ll admit to it :/ He’s actually kind of acting like he’s the one that’s been dumped… Y’know, asking if he could still get me a Christmas present; “I know we’re not…But…Well…Still…” and saying how he could have tried harder and he hasn’t been there enough for me. (I don’t understand, if he think’s he’s not been there eenough for me; why is his soloution to be there less for me? Is he trying to get over me?) Then putting “x”s at the end of messages in the middle of IM conversations that don’t really need them - which is something he did alot while we were together, but I’m his ex now - he’s supposed to not want to be with me anymore. Also going on about how I understand him and how close we are.
But he hasn’t been online on five days… :/
I just, ugh. It’s frustrating… Knowing he loves me so much. But it’s also comforting… Mostly comforting. I’d rather it this way. For him anyway, I’m not sure about any other man/relationship.
I tried to hate him, but I couldn’t. Then I realized… I actually don’t want to hate him… I’d rather remember him as the man trully loved me with all his heart than the man who hurt me a few times. The former doesn’t erase the latter by any means; but it sure does outweigh it to epic proportions..


Ugh I know you all think it’s rediculous for me to even think about giving him another chance, but I love that man to the moon and back and would do anything to make it work, and if that means risking being hurt again, then so be it. Although, I don’t think that will be my outlook on this forever… There’s a certain point, isn’t there? Also, this time, if he does want to get back together (& actually admits it) I won’t be jumping straight back into a relationship with him, we’d need to spend a while talking things through and seeing if we can work through this bitch, and stop it happening again. He needs to make me trust him again. But he really is everything I have always wanted, and so much more - everything I couldn’t dare to hope for.

So, let’s see what happens now I guess.

You are the thing I want most in the whole word.

I wish you were here to hold me right now.

I hate the thought that you might never hold me again.

Okay so he just sent me a goodnight text.

Make your mind up lad.